I remember the first visit I had with my brother. I can’t describe the dreadful feeling I was overcome with leading up to the visit. Perhaps it’s only me, but this situation was very stressful for me so any and all visits – I was there. I refused to miss any opportunity to see my brother. In the following years, I began to look forward to these visits during the week. Most visits were great, but those awful visits are inevitable. With that being said, sometimes visits were just looking at each other. Almost like we were communicating telepathically. I knew everything he couldn’t say, and he knew everything we couldn’t say. These thirty minutes made the hours of wait time worth it. Some days we waited longer than others, and some days we didn’t get to visit at all. I would suggest to anyone visiting an inmate – familiarize yourself with the institution’s policies. I’ve been visiting my brother for a total of ten years, and it’s amazing how different visitation is now compared to the beginning of our journey.
Before I begin, it’s important for me to add:
Take a moment before reading this post to miss your loved one. It is okay and important to take a moment to process this feeling of missing them.
I’ll remember this day until I die. For me, I had band rehearsals that day. I was 14 and beginning my Freshman year of high school the following week. We were in the car, just beginning to leave. We made it to the end of our drive way when not one, but three police cruisers pulled in front of us. Immediately jumping out of the car, I’ll never forget them shouting at us. Screaming like we were animals and guns raised. Guns. I remember the gun pointing at my brother, and I remember BEGGING “Can I please give him a hug? Please can I hug my brother?”. I remember crying for months just wondering, “Why couldn’t I hug my brother???” It just stunned me, I was completely and utterly in shock. I just knew my brother needed me to hug him. My 14 year old brain was convinced that if I could just hug him, somehow we’d magically be transported to five years prior when things were sweet. Hell, even two months prior. A time that this didn’t exist. As I mentioned above, we were already in the car in transit to school. So, we also got to follow him in the cruiser until we each split ways – about a minute from the detention facility. Once he was arrested, I had no idea where to turn. I had no idea what to do. I had no idea what to say.